There comes a time in each person’s life when they arrive at a junction when great, impactful decisions must be made. And unfortunately, indecision is one of my most prominent personality traits. Now, this does not mean that it is debilitating. Rather, I do not see life and the many choices it presents as black or white, as yes or no. In my opinion, the dichotomous nature of decision-making inherently undermines the massive grey area that often has to be considered.
I spend hours dwelling on pros and cons, meticulously attempting to predict the outcome of every scenario possible. But similar to most other humans, I do not have psychic powers that allow me to see the future, leaving me to make large decisions on unpredictable grounds. This is exactly why having to make a choice is often so difficult. Because at the present moment in time, we are unaware of the possible repercussions. Looking back on all the choices you have made in your life up until this moment, there must be times where you think, “In hindsight, the alternative would have been a better option.” However, this train of thought is toxic, considering that a future perspective is impossible to engage with. As a soon-to-be college graduate, I have quickly realized that my thoughts and anxieties about the impending future are shared by almost all those who surround me. I, like many others, have reached a crossroads where I now have to decide which adventure I want my life to take. The trouble is that a path clearly leading to success does not exist for many, if any, of us. For the first time in our lives, the next step is not clear. It has not been planned out for us, like the previous years of education had been. “What is the right first job?” “Grad school now or later?” “This city or that one?” Everyone talks about the “quarter-life crisis,” or the uncertainty and pressure that come with being a twenty-something in the modern world. “So, what’s next?” they all ask. “What are your plans after college? What are your career aspirations? What do you do with that major?” These inquiries are a record skipping in the minds of many of us soon-to-be grads. And if you are one of the lucky few with a five-year plan, congratulations. But for many of us, myself included, a clear vision of the future does not exist. This does not mean I do not have goals or aspirations. It does not mean that I am floating along hoping that opportunities will place themselves in my lap. Rather, I am finally in a position where big decisions need to be made, ones that will greatly impact how a large portion of my life will unfold. And that is terrifying. Now to make matters even worse, my fellow graduates of the class of 2020 and I are beginning our lives in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. This itself has placed the entire globe in a bubble of uncertainty, on a non-existent timeline, all of us hoping the horror around us will soon end. But in a world where time has essentially stopped, “soon” holds no weight because we truly have no means to an end. There is no end in clear sight. So in a convoluted, metaphorical way, the entire world right now is living in an age of uncertainty, a similar uncertainty that fuels the seemingly inevitable “quarter-life-crisis.” And although this pandemic holds greater weight than any decision or situation my twenty-year-old self could be placed in, it takes our already uncertain futures and pulls the rug from underneath them. It takes our last few months of certainty and disintegrates them into thin air. Disclaimer: This reflection is in no way intended to be insensitive to those dealing with any (many more serious) struggles due to COVID-19.
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The blog.My thoughts, ramblings and stream of conscious. Experimental pieces for your entertainment. Archivesread my articles on Medium.
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